I officially hate one-night-stands (the aftermath)

Staying the night with a hook-up is a common occurrence; having a pleasant morning however, is not. You smell like shit, your hair is fucked, 50% of your makeup has been smeared off your face, and whatever is left is smudged. You’re also likely to be tired from barely sleeping and hungover from the extra 3 beers you didn’t need. This is your classic morning-after.

There are also other things that happen. Things people would rather keep to themselves.

First of all, you’ve probably been holding farts in all night. The alcohol is your stomach is making you feel gassy. You may even be constipated. Having sex in the morning (when you’re probably still drunk) can be great, but if you’re gassy or constipated, pass on the sex. Guys can FEEL this shit in your anus through the wall of your vagina. Your ass hole and your vagina are relatively close together.

Second, your breath WREAKS. There’s really nothing else to say about that.

Third, you don’t know where the fuck your clothes are. You may see a t-shirt on the floor beside the bed and one of your socks, but you don’t know where your jeans, bra, underwear (or dignity) are. You could just get up and find them, but your probably somewhat self-conscious about walking around butt naked in front of Tim from the bar.

Basically, if you can avoid staying over, do so. Unless you don’t get hungover, bloated, gassy, or self-conscious.